Pressure for Perfection Causes Parental Burnout, Child Mental Health Issues
The Illusion of Perfect Parenting and Its Impacts
Is achieving the status of a “perfect parent” a realistic goal? Researchers from The Ohio State University College of Nursing and the university’s Office of the Chief Wellness Officer assert that it is not. A recent study indicates that striving for perfection in parenting can lead to detrimental effects on both parents and their children.
The Survey and Its Findings
The study, titled “The Power of Positive Parenting: Evidence to Help Parents and Their Children Thrive,” surveyed over 700 parents nationwide between June 15 and July 28, 2023. The findings highlight several key issues:
- Parental Burnout:
- 57% of parents reported experiencing burnout.
- This burnout is linked to both internal and external expectations, including perceptions of good parenting, judgment from others, time spent with children, relationships with spouses, and maintaining a clean house.
- Impact of Free Play Time:
- The more unstructured playtime parents spend with their children, and the fewer structured extracurricular activities, the fewer mental health issues children exhibit, such as anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, and bipolar disorder.
- Parents’ Mental Health Influence:
- Parents’ mental health and behaviors significantly impact their children’s mental health. If children have mental health disorders, parents are more likely to experience higher levels of burnout and engage in harsh parenting practices, which are associated with more mental health problems in children.
Dr. Kate Gawlik, one of the lead researchers and a working mother of four, notes that the illusion and expectations of “perfect parenting” can be particularly discouraging. Social media exacerbates this issue by creating unrealistic comparisons. Gawlik emphasizes that high expectations for oneself and one’s children, coupled with comparison and judgment from others, contribute significantly to parental burnout.
The Effects of a “Culture of Achievement”
The study’s data reveals that the pressure from what Gawlik describes as a “culture of achievement” leads to burnout, a state of physical and emotional exhaustion, which can cause other debilitating issues. Dr. Bernadette Melnyk, vice president for health promotion and chief wellness officer at Ohio State, explains that parental burnout results in increased depression, anxiety, and stress for parents, while their children also suffer behaviorally and emotionally.
Melnyk and Gawlik’s new report updates their initial 2022 study, which measured working parent burnout during the COVID-19 pandemic. They created the Working Parent Burnout Scale, a 10-point survey that allows parents to measure their burnout in real-time and use evidence-based solutions to address it. This scale is included in the new report, along with updated guidance on positive parenting strategies.
Positive Parenting Strategies
The report emphasizes the importance of positive parenting over striving for perfection. Positive parenting involves providing love and warmth while also offering structure and guidance. It includes gently teaching children the consequences of their behaviors, aiming to form deeper connections with them.
Key strategies for positive parenting include:
- Connection and Active Listening:
- Engaging with children through active listening helps build strong, trusting relationships.
- Changing Negative Thoughts:
- Parents should work on catching, checking, and transforming negative thoughts into positive ones.
- Readjusting Expectations:
- It’s crucial to adjust expectations for both parents and children. For example, finding a balance between maintaining a clean house and spending quality time with children.
- Reflecting on Priorities:
- Parents should reflect on their priorities and make necessary adjustments. If keeping the house spotless takes time away from enjoyable activities with children, it may be worth reorganizing to ensure both can be managed.
Melnyk underscores the importance of these evidence-based approaches in addressing what she calls a “public health epidemic” of parental burnout. She stresses that parents often prioritize their children’s care over their own, which can lead to exhaustion and burnout. By prioritizing self-care, parents can set a positive example for their children, who are likely to adopt similar values.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Care
Melnyk and Gawlik emphasize that parents need to take care of themselves to effectively care for their children. As one parent in the study noted, “I would much rather have a happy kid than a perfect kid.” This sentiment captures the essence of the study’s findings: striving for perfection can lead to burnout and negatively affect both parents and children, whereas focusing on positive parenting and self-care can foster a healthier family dynamic.
Conclusion
The pursuit of perfect parenting is not only unattainable but also harmful. The Ohio State University study highlights the significant impact of parental burnout on both parents and children and offers evidence-based strategies for positive parenting. By focusing on connection, adjusting expectations, and prioritizing self-care, parents can create a healthier environment for themselves and their children, ultimately leading to happier and more resilient families.
Source: Materials provided by Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. Content edited for style & length.